Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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