I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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