At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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