i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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