I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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