We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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