omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
