I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
