toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
