i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
