Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Damn victory sex feels great
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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