can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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