After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
