I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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