My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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