Non-Jews are for practice
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
