I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
