A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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