I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
