All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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