I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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