whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
