you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
