I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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