I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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