hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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