as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Still dying that you shit outside
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
