btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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