Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
