I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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