I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i would punch a child for taco bell
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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