Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
