I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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