were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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