Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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