I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
either way he was missing a nipple.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
