Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
