he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
third nipple confirmed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
