Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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