The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
