I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
