A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
