When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
