Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
