I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
