so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
