hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
