By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This is classic penis vs brain.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I know her cup size but not her name....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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