i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
