I just cut my nipple shaving
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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