Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
