Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We left the knife in your bed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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