so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
