he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How external is "for external use only"?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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