evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
