Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
